One thing no one talks about as an adult is, how growing up in a broken home as a child has affected them. I’m not referring to how it affects them back then, I’m referring to how it still affects them now as an adult.
As children, we aren’t aware of what’s happening in the adult world around us. Is that our fault? Never. We’re innocent little minds wandering through life with guidance from both mom and dad. It’s been found that having 2 parents in a household is as important- if not more, then whether they come from a wealthy family or low-income family, good health or bad health or a family with an educational background or not.
As parents we want the best for our kids while trying to do what’s best for us. We go through great lengths to make sure our children are happy, safe and well taken care of. Sometimes in all that we lose sight of who we are and end up disconnected from our partners. Sometimes parents decided to separate without thinking about their children. They don’t realize the complete chaos that they are about to put their children through. They don’t think about the possible trauma, the challenges that will come with the changes, or the mental and emotional trauma that their children are going to face for many years to come. Then before the child even realizes what’s going on, one parent has moved out.
Eventually the child goes from living in one home with both mom and dad together, to living with a single parent and visiting the other parents on weekends in a strange house, possibly in a completely different city. No one knows, but as the years pass, the child starts to collect little memories and keepsakes. They could be news articles, dinner napkins, aged turkey wishbones, or a rock… They’ll continue to carry these around with them everywhere they move, even as an adult.
Children possibly end up distancing themselves from their friends because they can’t relate to them anymore, their lives are so different now. They get left out on birthday parties, lunchtime games, group conversations, etc. They start to feel like they’ve done something wrong. They feel like they’re the reason no ones happy anymore, they blame themselves for their parents separating, now they feel like their friends don’t even want to be around them.
Eventually the childhood home goes up for sale, the single parent can no longer afford a household once funded with two incomes. So now that child has to up and move from the only part that they have left to hold onto from their childhood. That child now has to possibly switch schools as well as finding new friends all over again. With the damage from their previous friendships they go through social anxiety and don’t open up to anyone new. If and when that child finds new friends, they start getting left out on parties, shopping trips and trips to the movies. They spend half their time (out of school) at a different home. They go down the same path eventually with these new friends that they went through with their old friends.
Now let’s talk about making friends at the other parent’s house, shall we…. They visit every other weekend, FOUR days out of a month. That’s not much time to get to know people and find friends. If they are lucky enough to find friends at their other parents house, they don’t get a deep connection with them, they just become someone to pass those four days with. Before they know it, they’ve grown and so have their ‘friends’. They’ve grown apart now because it’s not fair to their friend too have to plan their life and activities around someone else’s schedule.
These traumas and negative mental and emotional episodes that children from broken homes go through, will have a negative affect on their lives. They may not show signs of struggling as a child but it’s been proven that children who are raised in a broken home are five times more likely to suffer from long-term mental troubles, following well into adulthood. Having two parents in the household has been proven to help children better in deterring emotional and anti-social situations/episodes. Also, children who experience divorce and are raised by single parents are more likely to do poorly in school, suffer from mental health, as well as running into financial troubles, crime and/or addiction as adults.
Fast forward 15-20 years, that child has now grown up and forced to go to postsecondary so that they aren’t stuck with a minimum wage job for the rest of their life. While they attend college or university, they are forced to work to be able to have the things they need/want in life. Eventually the get so drowned in homework that something has to give. They keep working their part-time job and end up failing out of school. You can paint the rest of the picture from here…
Here’s my message to those parents who are thinking about divorcing or separating. Think about the children, think about if the issues in your marriage are worth ruining little innocent minds. Take time for yourself, try a date night, try and reconnect with each other before you make a life long decision that won’t only be affecting your but your children’s lives too.
Malcolm’s Mommy 